Mrs. Manning

If you went to high school in Greenwood, America, you can already tell that the content of this blog will involve one of two things; English literature or eyebrows. Mrs. Manning taught our AP english courses and was notorious for her eyebrows. Er - lack thereof - and her thick, drawn-on brow liner version of them. Sadly, part of me wished my life related to something about English literature today -- and I suppose in part it does. Prepare yourself for a tradgedy, friends.

I was in the mall and decided that I'd neglected parts of my personal routine a little too much this summer, and why not treat myself to a quick manicure and eyebrow wax? Between my Dad's 50th birthday party, a wedding, and various other social outings on the horizon, I figured a little attention to the details couldn't hurt....right?

Oooh, so wrong.

That tiny chinese grandmother stole my eyebrows. Okay, so truthfully she only stole 75% of my eyebrows - but for someone who has naturally blonde hair, the remaining 25% doesn't really show up all that well on its own. The result appears as a small line reaching from the inner corner of my eyes to just above my pupils....then.....nothing. I was so shocked that I left without getting the manicure to try and calm myself. I desperately attempted to determine what was within my power to improve the situation. I finally came to the conclusion that (against all hope) instant hair growth serum and/or time travel are not at my disposal to rectify things. However, eyeliner just might do the trick. I could pull a Mrs. Manning and color it in! Lots of people do that, right? It's either that, or buy a bottle of hair color and try to dye what's left of my eyebrows to a shade distinguishable against my skin.

If I could play out for you all the terrible scenarios that ran through my mind of how horribly that might turn out, you'd see why I immediately decided against the hair dye.

I retreated to the haven of my vehicle to test out the eyeliner hypothesis, but had forgotten that the temperature in Midland runs at about a thousand and seven degrees these days, and the eyeliner was melted. Matters were further complicated by the fact that the truck I'm driving around has a non-functional AC. I was forced to cut my errand-running short because really, who wants to go into the post office looking like a half-eyebrowed weirdo? Not me, thank you.

*sigh* Lesson learned. Vanity is a horrible thing, and humility is a difficult virtue to stomach!

Flying

Between April and August, I will have flown on a total of 13 airplanes. I'm between numbers 5 and 6 at the moment. I can't help but people watch when I'm around crowds, and I have a few public service announcements:

1) I don't care who you are, you look like a douchebag when wearing your sunglasses indoors. Especially with your too-cool ball cap with the sticker still attached and your popped collar. Call me a hater, maybe I am -- but I still think you look like an idiot.

2) This one applies more to Texans than anyone else; but please, for decency sake, DO NOT bring your Dr. Pepper bottle aboard the airplane to use as a dip cup. It's disgusting, especially when you're stuck in such close proximity. If you can't survive an hour and a half flight without your nicotine fix, at least use something I can't see through while you do it. Seriously. Gross.

3) Please, please, PLEASE stop yelling into your cell phone. I realize the person on the other line may not be able to hear you, but everyone within a 20 foot radius can...and if the other party can't hear you in the first place, why drag on a 25 minute conversation? When you're yelling over the music in my headphones, it's getting bad.

That's the end of my rant... ;)

Altitude Sickness

I've officially gained experience in one not-so-fantastic aspect of this state. Namely, altitude sickness. In the past 3 days I've seen some beautiful territory; Estes park, Steamboat, Rocky Mountain National Park, and honestly - the drives up and down and between all 3 are fantastic as well. Unfortunately, between going up and down and changing between 1 and 2 miles above sea level in a matter of hours every day....my poor head feels like it's permanently locked in a vice grip that even double doses of Advil can't seem to phase.

So far, that's the only negative thing I have to say about this place (except, possibly, my complaints about the cost of living) But overall, I'm incredibly happy. My Dad blames the wind in Wyoming (his home state) on the fact that Colorado sucks so much....but I find that pure and simple bias. ;)

This Year

If my life were a movie, this would have been one of those defining scenes. I was on hour 7 of the 8 hour trek from Omaha to Denver (my new home....craziness!) singing to random songs on the iPod. The song This Year by Chantal Kreviazuk came on - and the verse goes something like this:

'This year is gonna be incredible, this year is gonna be the one. All the planets are lining up for me. This year, I'm gonna have fun...'

I drive over this huge hill and all of a sudden, THERE ARE THE MOUNTAINS!! Spreading from the far left to the far right hand edge of my windshield.

*sigh* I'm so happy to be here!

Lackadaisical

I've always liked that word. Were you to point a gun at my temple at this exact moment and demand I finish my presentation, I'd shrug and wait for you to pull the trigger.

I am so incredibly unmotivated. Typically the possibility of scorn or derision sparks at least a semblance of motivation to research and understand the material -- but not this week.

Sixteen(ish) hours left at Mayo.

Sparkler Olympics

Mark your calendars and begin preparing now. July 4, 2009 shall mark the official opening games of the first annual Sparkler Olympics.

The phoenomenal Ms. Amy Hill absolutely made my day yesterday by buying me sparklers. We were outside enoying them when someone was struck by the ingenious concept of Sparkler Olympics.

The events and judging criteria (so far) are listed below. Additional suggestions for events are welcome. I plan to have a megaphone on hand for commentary, placards for the judges, and plenty of booze to quench accidental flames. Amy's already reserved rights to the song "Coming to America". Participants will be awarded extra points if they perform in costume, but inappropriate appearances in leotards will result in harsh deductions. You have been warned.

Synchronized Sparkling:
Precision
Patriotism
Originality
Difficulty

Sparkler Relay:
Time
Transitions

Sprolicking: (interpretive sparkling dance)
Patriotism
Originality
Difficulty
Choreography

Let the training commence.

Big Gulp huh? Welp, see ya later!

I've decided to compile some of my favorite movie lines. Why? Because I have a paper to write, of course. Don't ask stupid questions.

Almost Famous

"I didn't invent the rainy day, man. I just own the best umbrella."

"If you think that Mick Jagger will still be doing the whole rock star thing at age fifty...well, you are sorely, sorely mistaken."

"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool."

Dumb & Dumber

"Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!"

"Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention."

"So you're telling me there's a chance..."

Grosse Pointe Blank

"Why are you so interested in me going to my high school reunion?
-I just find it amusing that you came from somewhere."

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's, well, broken."

High Fidelity

"Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? Well, I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains."

"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"

Little Miss Sunshine

"No! I'm madly in love with you and it's not because of your brains or your personality."

"Oh my God, I'm getting pulled over. Everyone, just... pretend to be normal!"

"I'm glad you're talking again, Dwayne. You're not nearly as stupid as you look."

Love Story

Oliver - Well what makes you so smart?
Jennifer - I wouldn't go out for coffee with you that's what.
Oliver - What if I wasn't even gonna ask you to go out for coffee with me?
Jennifer - Well then that's what makes you stupid.

Office Space

"I cannot believe what a bunch of losers we are. We're looking up 'money laundering' in the dictionary."

"No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean up shit if they had a million dollars."

Sweet Home Alabama

"What is it with you southern girls? You can't make the right decision until you've tried all the wrong ones."

"You can't ride two horses with one ass, sugarbean."

"I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not 'shitting' you."

Tombstone

"I have two guns, one for each of ya."

"Are you gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed?"

"It seems poker's just not your game, Ike. I know, let's have a spelling contest!"

And of course -- "I'm your huckleberry"

Top Gun

"The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid."

"I was improving international relations. You know, communicating?"

"The plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies room."

"Slider - Whose butt did you kiss to get in here?
Goose - The list is long, but distinguished.
Slider - Yeah, well, so's my Johnson."


I decided to spare you the animated movie favorites, of which there are several. In closing, I'd like to reference the entire Wedding Crashers script for obvious reasons.